Cooking with Kerry

Before he was a Presidential Candidate, John Kerry owned a cookie shop that sold cookies based on his old family recipes. He sold the shop a long time ago, but when he needs to relax there's nothing John Kerry likes to do more than cook. And now Tgreen2004 brings you an exclusive peek at some of the family favorites John Kerry loves to cook when he's not out on the campaign trail...

John Kerry's Senate Special Waffles

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 large house
1 teaspoon salt
1 large bottle of Heinz ketchup
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 egg
3 Purple Hearts and a variety of ribbons
1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
1/2 can of Slim Fast, formerly endorsed by Whoopi Goldberg
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1 address in the most advantageous congressional district
1/2 cup half & half
1 telegenic VP Candidate
1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup buttermilk
1 muddled voting record

1. Take out loan on house to buy large mixing bowl.
2. Put large bottle of Heinz ketchup next to bowl, but don't let it to anything because it will ruin this recipe.
3. Combine flour, salt and baking soda in a medium bowl. Stir to combine.
4. Throw out can of Slim Fast because Whoopi doesn't represent your views.
5. Break egg. Then decide you didn't want the egg broken. Then announce you decided you break the egg before you decided you didn't want the egg broken.
6. Lightly beat the egg in another medium bowl. Add the sugar, butter, and mix well with an electric mixer until smooth. Add the half & half, milk, and buttermilk. Mix well.
7. Discard ribbons, but hold on to Purple Hearts. You'll need those later.
8. Add the dry mixture to the wet mixture while beating. Mix until smooth.
9. Buy house in new district because you have a good chance to cook delicious waffles there. Then immediately move to another district where your chances are even better.
10. Cover and chill overnight, or until a story about the waffles appears on Fox News.
11. While batter is chilling, answer no questions about it, or anything else you did in the kitchen.
12. Rub a light coating of vegetable oil on a waffle iron. Preheat the waffle iron. Leave the batter out of the refrigerator to warm up a bit as your waffle iron is preheating.
13. Select assistant who can do a better job of serving up this meal and make sure you put him on TV a lot to spread the word.
14. Spoon 1/3 to 1/2 cup of batter into the waffle iron and cook for 3 to 4 minutes or until the waffles are light brown.
15. Garnish with Purple Hearts.
16. Enjoy!