Tgreen: Hello and welcome to lovely Coral Gables, Florida, site of the first Presidential debate of 2004. Tonight I'm joined by my colleague and Treetop Lounge legal advisor Jerry "Bones" Skelton, and together we're going to bring you a blow by blow account of the action down in the ring.

Jerry "Bones" Skelton: Thanks, T. I notice referee Jim Lehrer is climbing into the ring and announcing the participants. The match should be starting very soon.

T: So Jerry, what do you think the challenger has to do if he wants to win tonight?

J: He needs to take command early, and he has to find another specialty move. The flip-flop is just not a good offensive move. It's more of a defense. It won't do any damage to the champ. He needs something more.

T: And the champ? Can he just stand back and take whatever the challenger throws at him, or will he have to go on the offensive himself?

J: He needs to be active in this match. Fortunately for him, his signature move is the blatant lie, which is extremely powerful. This is designed to be a fast-paced bout, and the blatant lie works best when there's no time to counter.

T: Gee, Jerry, it sounds like the champ's already won, then, if he's got the more powerful weapon.

J: That's not true, T. Because while the flip-flop isn't a very effective offensive weapon, it does allow the challenger to approach the champ from both sides when he needs to defend himself. So it could turn out to be almost like a two-on-one match if the challenger starts flip-flopping early.

T: And there's the bell. The opponents weren't allowed any mike time before the match, so they're starting cold.

J: That definitely give the advantage to the champ. The less mike time he has, the fewer chances of his tripping himself up.

T: Between the mike time and the challenger's flip-flopping, it could almost turn into a three-on-one match.

J: No it couldn't, T. That's just stupid.

T: Oh, sure, like any of your analysis has been any better. And now back to the action in the ring. The challenger makes the first move, and he's...he's thanking referee Jim Lehrer and the crowd. Strange way to start such a fast-paced match. Oh, wait, now he's on the offensive, hitting the champ with some light blows about the war and our lack of alliances. The champ hesitates, then counters with a thank you of his own.

J: Notice the slow, methodical way he's countering everything the challenger threw at him. Strong point by point defense, which is all he has to do tonight. Oh, wait, he's boasting. He's predicting a win. Bold early strategy. He's standing on his history. He knows we know what he believes and what he's done. I don't think we can expect anything new tonight.

T: No, we can't. Wait, did the challenger just mention Osama bin Laden? He's hitting the champ at a weak spot, there. Everyone knows the champ hasn't been able to beat Osama yet. It's no surprise he went there so early.

J: He's got to hit the champ hard on his previous bouts: Osama, Saddam, Iraq, al Qaeda. If he can get the figure-four leglock around those topics, he's in good shape. Oh no, now he's hitting the champ right in the misjudgments. Is that even allowed?

T: Oh yeah, it's allowed. He hits him in the Saddam, Iraq, and Afghanistan.

J: But the champ fights right back. He's hitting the challenger in the Iraq and Saddam. Good shot. Excellent ring work there.

T: The champ is looking like he's in charge. He's got the experience here and he's using it. He's playing to his strength and flat out ignoring his weaknesses. Daring strategy here. The challenger can hit him in the misjudgments all night long and he'll hurt the champ if the champ ignores it.

J: Exactly. The champ is hitting the challenger with his successes right now. The Philippines. The Iraqi Prime Minister. The war on terror. He's using every weapon in his arsenal.

T: Wait a second, the challenger grabs the war on terror and turns it on the champ. He's beating him about the head with it. He is definitely not intimidated by the champ's successes. He's treating them like they're failures and he's using them as weapons.

J: The champ's not taking it lying down. He just demanded more time and he's nailing the challenger with his own quote. He's hitting him with one "wrong time, wrong place." And another. The champ's on his game tonight.

T: The challenger's definitely in trouble if the champ gets hold of more of his quotes. He'll have to do a flip-flop if that happens.

J: You know it, T. He can't afford a flip flop so -- oh, no, he pulled out a domestic policy and used it to counter the champ's foreign policy. The champ looks angry, T. He's angry. He was not expecting that!

T: No he wasn't. Did you see that scowl? Now the challenger is taking the tax cut the champ gave him and he's hitting him with that. The champ can't appreciate that very much.

J: He's angry now. Expect a strong countermove any second now. A piledriver or...oh, he slipped the tax gap move and promised to come back to it in another match. That's unexpected.

T: Not how I would've done it. He completely ignored a body blow. He's pulling out his success again, and the challenger is hitting him with the FBI culture and the tax cut again. The champ counters with keeping America safe.

J: Is the champ defending himself properly? He's not addressing the champ's attacks as well as I thought he would. Oh, look, he's using the Iraqi Prime Minister again. And an ambassador. The champ seems to have an endless supply of weapons. Can the challenger really defend against them all? The champ has the troops and a free Iraq. He's scoring points here at will.

T: The challenger countered the troops with a "help is on the way." He tried that during the convention and it didn't work there either. And now, wait, he's hitting the champ with the champ's father's book. I never saw that coming.

J: Neither did the champ. I bet he didn't think he'd need to read his dad's book in order to get through this match. That should be a foul.

T: The champ is rattled. He's using "wrong place, wrong time" again. He's pulling out his "commander in chief" now.

J: That's his ultimate weapon. The challenger doesn't have the stature to beat that.

T: But look what he's doing. He's stepping back and countering the champ's "you can't explain your votes on Iraq" with a "yes I made a mistake in speaking about the war, but it's better than making a mistake in running the war." And the two combatants land hard on the Mexican announcers' table. Whoa!

J: This is getting a little wild now. The challenger brought out a Vietnam. This could get tricky.

T: Oh no, not only a Vietnam, but a Halliburton! A Halliburton! I never expected to see one of those. But look, the champ is gnawing at the bit. He wants this chance to counter. He's got allies. He's got Tony Blair. He's got a coalition. He's hitting the challenger with everything he has.

J: And another "wrong war, wrong place." He must feel very comfortable with that move. He keeps falling back on it.

T: It better not be his strongest move or he'll be in trouble

J: He's hitting hard with an allies and a coalition. And a rapid victory. He's much more tentative than earlier in the match. He may be losing steam.

T: This is way too early for that. But he's bringing out a "hard work." And another. He's looking for some sympathy from the crowd.

J: Not a bad move, T. He'll do much better with the crowd on his side. If he can get them to appreciate all his effort, he might be able to slide by a little. And another "hard work." And yet another. This is totally unexpected.

T: The challenger's got hold of one of the champ's quotes. A "knowing what I know now I'd still invade." He nails the champ with it.

J: That's a flip flop, T! That's also one of the challenger's quotes. That's a flip flop. But he's pulling out the nuclear weapons and North Korea. He's backing off the flip flop for now, which is probably best. People recognize the flip flop and once people do so, it loses all its power.

T: Whoa! The challenger just pulled off a "20 years in government." If he can do that effectively, he takes away one of the champ's weapons.

J: But look, the champ nails the challenger with a bin Laden of his own. And now he's mocking the challenger by using a "misleading." He's turning the flip flop around and--

T: Did he just use a "let me finish?"

J: Yes he did. Don't know why, though. There was absolutely no reason for that. I think maybe he's rattled. The challenger is staying cool so far. The champ needs to knock him back. He's trying an "inconsistent," and a "free Iraq."

T: That "free Iraq" might come back to haunt him. He's got to prove he's allowed to use it or the challenger will bust him in the head with it. Oh, no, the challenger is instead using his own wartime experience. This is where the champ is on the shakiest ground.

J: The challenger can't go in for the kill with it, though, and he's not. He is using a "dot-com." I was wondering when we'd see one of those.

T: The champ isn't having it. He's demanding a counter move and he gets one and he....what the hell was that?

J: The champ just stood there staring into the camera, T. That was not good. It was almost like he didn't know what to do next. Not good at all. Is he waiting for his tag team partner to tag in? Does he know this isn't a tag team match?

T: And another "wrong war, wrong place." He's done all of these moves already tonight. I don't think they're as effective as they were earlier. But now the challenger has to give a definite view of his plan for Iraq. This is arguably his weakest spot.

J: He's slapping the champ with 14 military bases and Iraqi oil. He's totally avoiding the issue of his plan for Iraq. I think he'll get away with it, though. His form is very effective.

T: No, he did use some facts in that flurry. He showed his plan. I don't know how effective it was, though.

J: Look at that "hard work" the champ's using. And another Prime Minister. He's making some inroads, but he's not nearly as focused as the challenger right now. He's using integrity and, wait a second, now he's countering a move that the challenger didn't even make.

T: I don't know what that was about. Why even hint at a "Muslims don't want to be free" attack if the challenger didn't make one?

J: That must have been a mistake. He'll recover from that one, though. That was only a small misstep.

T: I think you're right. Look, the champ tried a mixed message followed by an inspection and regulation. He's trying to Saddam the challenger into submission.

J: Saddam, Saddam, Saddam. The champ isn't letting up.

T: Oh, no, look at that! The challenger slipped the Saddam and countered with an Osama! And a Tora Bora! Very fancy footwork there. The champ's going to have a difficult time with this one.

J: Maybe not. These facts the challenger is using can be turned around quickly because they're equally as damaging to the challenger.

T: But no, the champ is instead getting defensive. You can tell he wants to strike, but those Tora Boras really hurt. Really hurt. The champ's countering with more Saddams. And more Saddams.

J: Have you noticed that the champ starts slow and then picks up momentum as he goes?

T: Oh yeah, his last few moves have all been uncertain until maybe halfway through. Then it's like someone throws a switch and he's on.

J: Exactly. Is he not sure of his moves, or is he not sure of the timing, or what? It doesn't look good. This will only work if people forget everything but his finishing move.

T: This wouldn't be the first time that strategy worked, though.What do you think will make the news tomorrow, the first 1:30 of fumbling and hesitation, or the forceful last :30?

J: You're probably right.

T: The challenger won't have it, though. Look, he's hitting back with all the dangerous spots in the world. And he's trying to use the "pre-emptive war" against the champ.

J: And history, T. Look at that, he's doing a JFK and a Cuban Missile Crisis off the top rope. The champ doesn't look too happy about this at all.

T: Oh, a treaty off the turnbuckle. The champ looks stunned. He's circling and using the challenger's "global test" against him.

J: I expect that to make the next campaign commercial right there.

T: Only out of context, of course. It looked like the challenger was making it a local global test--

J: Which is something I don't even understand.

T: Exactly, but the champ's making sure it comes off as an international global test. That one's gonna hurt tomorrow, no doubt about it.

J: Maybe we'll get a flip-flop before the match is over.

T: It's the only way out of this one, but it doesn't look like the challenger is going for it.

J: He may not have to. The champ once again looks irritated and aggravated. I'm not sure what he's countering, but it's sure not anything the challenger threw at him. It's like he's in a totally different match right now. Why is he countering the International Criminal Court? The challenger didn't use it, so why the counter?

T: He must think it's a strong counter, so why not use it?

J: Not how I'd do it.

T: Definitely not. Oh, look, they've moved into the center of the ring and they're battering each other with an Iran and a North Korea. And nuclear proliferation.

J: Both of them are just using North Korea like a bludgeon. I wasn't expecting this to be the big weapon of the night but look at them. They're both out for blood and they're both using a flying North Korea to get it.

T: A reverse "bilateral talk"! And an "Iran sanction"! The champ is working hard now.

J: The challenger just ducked a Sudan to go back and try one more North Korean sanction. And now the champ slips the Sudan to hit back with an Iranian sanction. It's obvious neither one wants a piece of that one.

T: We're winding down to the end of the match, now. The champ's admiring the challenger, but wait, he's got a mixed message and he's bludgeoning the challenger with it. He won't let up. And now the challenger is doing his own bit of admiring. And now he's grabbed the champ's certainty and he's wrapped it around the champ's neck. He's choking the champ on his own certainty. That's one of the champ's strongest weapons and the challenger just totally turned it around.

J: The champ didn't look good on that one.

T: They're back in the middle of the ring now! Nuclear proliferation from both men! They're doing half proliferations and full proliferations and even a double-reverse proliferation! Only now, right near the end of the match, are both men showing what they think is most important. Nuclear proliferations all around. The challenger isn't letting up on this.

J: Neither is the champ. This is a big one and he can't afford to look weak. He's got some facts and he's reversed the challenger's move. But he's looking too similar to the challenger on this one. He's not pulling away on this one. They're wrapped up and it's hard to tell who's who.

T: No, the challenger is using a North Korea and a bilateral talk. He's got the champ in the corner, trying to flip him over the turnbuckle.

J: Did the champ just say the name "Ted?" Who's Ted? There's no Ted here.

T: He must be very shaken right now. I think he was talking to referee Jim Lehrer, but for some reason he called him Ted.

J: Quick reverse here. The champ is trying a modified Putin. He's trying to show how wrong the Putin is right now, but also giving credit to the Putin of the past.

T: Talk about walking the tightrope. He's got the history on his side here. He might get the challenger into a submission hold.

J: No, wait, the challenger has some Putin history of his own. No submission hold. He's reverses the Putin and tries a China. A China! A mission accomplished! A Kim Jong Il! The champ's on the defensive now!

T: The champ tried to bluff his way out of it. Now he's trying another Saddam. And another Iraqi War. But the challenger reverses. He hits the champ with the war, the budget for the war, and the American Voters.

J: This match is just about over, T. Time's almost up and neither one of these combatants is going to be pinned tonight. There will be no clear winner here. It's up to the public to decide.

T: That's true, but you have to give the challenger credit. He didn't flip flop; he was cooler and calmer; and he took the fight to the champ. The champ was on the defensive for at least 2/3rds of this fight. No one expected that.

J: No they didn't, T. I have to agree. Both men got their licks in, but you have to give this to the challenger. He had all the moves, and the champ seemed to lose focus early on. Not a championship performance by any means.

T: And that's the report from Coral Gables. The two men are being greeted by their families inside the ring. I know many people were hoping for a pin or a submission tonight, but it was not to be. Maybe during next week's rematch. Until then, I'm Tgreen, and this is my partner Jerry "Bones" Skelton.

J: Good night.