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By Tgreen, October 17, 2012 12:03 pm

Not sure how many of you knew this, but yesterday, October 16, was Boss’s Day. You know, Boss’s Day, the only day of the year where your boss can ask you to work late with no extra pay and you have to do it. Yep, the only day of the year where the boss can do that. I promise. The only day. Did you celebrate Boss’s Day yesterday? Lots of people did, and you may have been one of them without even realizing it. How is that possible? You’ll find out when you check out…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Ways People Celebrated Boss’s Day:
10. Kept Facebook open on their work computer for only 6.5 hours instead of the usual 7
9. Scribbled a mustache or a penis onto boss’s picture, but not both
8. Told him he kicked ass at that debate last night even though he obviously did not
7. Refrained from tweeting new entries in popular Twitter feed shitmyidiotbosssaid
6. Left thank you note after looting cabinets of pens, staples and Rice Krispie treats
5. Laughed at all his jokes, even the one where a priest, a rabbi and Jerry Sandusky walk into a bar
4. Showed her how to take a screen shot for the 300th day in a row, because this time that knowledge is gonna stick for sure
3. Drank 4 extra beers in his honor at lunch, slept quietly through afternoon not bothering him
2. Waited until today to tell him about that math error that will cost the company $3 million
1. Did everything he asked, no matter how stupid, dangerous, off-putting, soul-crushing, idiotic, mean-spirited, evil, short-sighted, misspelled, petty, outrageous, mini-brained, repulsive, tiring, craptastic, illegal, unacceptable, poorly-conceived, Tebowmaniacal, like a scene out of a shitty Steven Segal movie, Steinbrenneresque, stabby, URGENT!!!, Nixon-like, rapacious, Canadian, daring, Linsane, long-winded, repetitive, like the punchline got buried under a pile of words 5 minutes ago, unfortunate or just plain old dumb it might be (sorry, that’s one of Tgreen’s Top Ten Things People Do Every Day To Pay The Rent)

And there you have it. If you found yourself doing any of those things yesterday, congratulations, you celebrated Boss’s Day. And if not, there’s always next year. On Boss’s Day, the only day of the year your boss can ask you to work extra hours for free. Only day. Yes, I’m sure of that.

T “if I say I was drunk when I wrote this and then immediately check into rehab they probably can’t fire me” green

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By Tgreen, March 2, 2012 10:27 am

Hello and welcome to a much shorter than usual edition of Happy Friday! You’re welcome.

Today is Employee Appreciation Day here in the US, and I know that for some of you, this revelation is little more than an excuse to gripe and moan about how little you’re actually appreciated at your job. And that’s okay. But maybe you’re appreciated more than you realize. Maybe your boss shows you appreciation in ways you’re just not seeing. It’s possible, right? If you don’t believe me now, I’m sure you will after you’ve read…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Ways Your Boss Shows Appreciation To You:

10. Keeps you on site for many extra hours every night just because she likes having you around
9. Fears you might fall victim to a Ponzi scheme of some sort if you had too much money just lying around, so he underpays you
8. Ensures you won’t catch some nasty bug in the bathroom by keeping it so dirty you wouldn’t spend a second longer in there than you actually had to
7. Helps boost the creative side of your brain by being so bad at her job you spend all day thinking up ways to eliminate her
6. Boosts your ego by surrounding you with idiots and guaranteeing you feel like the smartest one in the room
5. Provides no free snacks or drinks in the break room so that it’s easier for you to watch your weight
4. Promotes warm feeling of nostalgia by filling the workplace with the finest equipment 1998 had to offer
3. Keeps holidays and vacation time to a minimum so you don’t succumb to laziness
2. Practically guarantees you a spot in heaven by inspiring you to pray daily, “Lord, please send me to a better place than this”
1. Keeps you so busy you rarely have time to read crappy Top Ten lists during the day anyway

So there you have it, documented proof that under that crusty, cheap, half-insane exterior, your boss likes you. Your boss really, really likes you. Now stop your whining and get back to work.

T “this list is intended for comedic purposes only and any resemblance between items on this list and any real life situations is unintended and purely coincidental and I hope this disclaimer is enough to keep me out of trouble because I really need my job and I didn’t write this anyway, I copied it from my 3-year-old nephew, which is why it’s written better than usual” green