People have been asking me if I plan to blog about my vacation, and I probably will, once I get home. Not enough time to gather and then organize my thoughts to provide you with the brilliant comedic stylings you’re used to around here.

Ahem.

But since I find myself with a small break between Disney park and dinner, I figured I’d throw down some random thoughts to tide us all over until I can write something real, with pictures. So, here’s what’s been rattling around my head since I left Brooklyn…

You can drive 832 miles and still get stuck driving behind some asshole from New Jersey.

The second-saddest kids you’ll ever see are the kids leaving a Disney park.

The saddest kids you’ll ever see are the kids actually inside a Disney park. I do not know why this is.

Salamanders on the ceiling run pretty quick.

After 3 days surrounded by tourists, I think I could make big money by starting a game show called Gay or Foreign?

It doesn’t feel so bad to be disconnected from your home teams when your home teams suck.

Nobody looks good in the Goofy-ears hat. Nobody.

Every day I’ve turned on the local news I’ve either heard about a missing kid, a carjacked old lady, or a SWAT team busting up a house. And people complain about NYC?

Florida is apparently the land of oranges, pecans, and McRibs.

It you actually tried to eat all the food you get on the dining plan, you’d get so big you’d never be able to fit through the park exit.

People from England have way more important things to do than worry about the fact that you were in line before them.

If you name one of your kids Melissa, and the other BJ, you should probably carefully consider in which order you’re going to call for them in a crowded theme park.

Most empty threat overheard so far, from angry mother to bratty son: “Do you want to go back to the room?” Like mom’s gonna sit in the room all day to teach the kid a lesson.

They like their Waffle Houses in North Carolina, and their Taco Bells in Virginia.

In the Hall of Presidents, the animatronic presidents don’t break out into a fight, which kind of ruins the whole thing.

Turns out, the throttle control sensor is a pretty important part in a car.

About the only thing they haven’t slapped Mickey’s face on is condoms. And I haven’t been to every store yet so I could still be wrong about that.

Seriously, Gay or Foreign? Win fabulous prizes.

The most terrifying ride in all of Florida may be the E.T. ride at Universal, because the whole time you don’t know if they’re suddenly going to start playing that Neil Diamond Heartlight song.

Or make you play the old Atari 2600 E.T. game for 10 minutes before they let you out.

Jacksonville and Orlando aren’t nearly as close together as they should be.

I’m expecting the entire New York Rangers team to show up any minute, now that they have nothing better to do.

In hindsight, it’s probably not a good idea to ask a Georgia State Trooper if he knows Sheriff Lobo.

Random thoughts aren’t terribly interesting once they’re all typed out.

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