This week Radio Shack announced that it’s changing its name to The Shack. The Shack promises to offer the same poor selection and high prices that Radio Shack always did, so don’t worry, electronics consumer.

A New York City woman who says she can’t find a job is suing the college where she earned a bachelor’s degree. After that trial is over she plans to sue her high school because she didn’t get kissed at her prom, the manufacturer of her TV for getting her hooked on Big Brother, and Victoria’s Secret for the way her ass looks in her bathing suit.

A science journal was forced to retract a paper about sperm created from stem cells. As embarrasing as this was, it could’ve been worse. They could’ve had to retract the sperm too.

In other science news, a New Mexico inventor has developed a fuel that’s made out of Mountain Dew. The fuel, which is comprised of 80% Mountain Dew and 20% gasoline, actually beats regular Mountain Dew in taste tests 3 to 1.

A married man who planned to rendezvous with one of his lovers at a Wisconsin motel instead found himself bound and assaulted by a group of women, including his wife, who glued his penis to his thigh. As bad as this was, it could’ve been worse. They could’ve glued it to his cheek.

Last week it was revealed that the Pope signed a record deal. The version of Ave Maria he cut with the Black Eyed Peas? It’s got a good beat and you can dance to it.

Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler sustained head, neck and shoulder injuries after falling off the stage during a concert this week. As painful as this was, it could’ve been worse. He could’ve actually paid to see Aerosmith in concert.

Republicans played a trick on Democrats this week when they redirected angry telephone calls coming into their switchboard to the Democratic National Committee. This caused an awkward moment when former Vice President Al Gore, calling because he was angry over the Republican stand on environmental issues, ended up being forwarded to his own office phone and talking for an hour before he realized what was going on.

Police were called to break up a riot in Tampa at a rally for health care reform. The riot was started by anti-reform people who later claimed they were egged on by Conservative commentator Glenn Beck. Ironically, most of the injured rioters were forced to pay extra for treatment because they had to go to doctors outside of their approved network.

Former President Bill Clinton went to North Korea this week and brokered a deal to release two American female journalists. Of course he did. Who else would you send out to pick up two women but Bill Clinton?

It makes you wonder, though, in what other ways could he aid the Obama administration…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Other Secret Missions Bill Clinton Could Pull Off:
10. Uncover international baby back rib smuggling ring
9. Instruct Obama’s inner circle in fine art of hiding from Hillary
8. Head up selection committee for new crop of White House interns
7. Pull a Vince Foster on chatty VP Joe Biden
6. Team up with Pussy Galore (sorry, that’s one of Tgreen’s Top Ten Things Bill Clinton Did More Than 100 Times While In Office)
5. Bury any potentially controversial birth records forever by tying them to the twists and turns of the average Arkansas family tree
4. Open diplomatic relations with the French President’s wife Carla Bruni, if you know what I mean, and I think you do
3. Travel to McDonald’s to liberate a couple of Big Macs
2. Follow directions hidden on the dollar bill and in the Declaration of Independence to discover secret location of Ted Kennedy’s porn stash
1. Help OJ find the real killers (sorry, that’s one of Tgreen’s Top Ten Top Ten List Punchlines He Absolutely Refuses To Retire)

Welcome back to Happy Friday, President Clinton. It’s been way too long.

That’s all we have time for this week. Be sure to check back next time to see if we can dig up a punchline even older than OJ.

T “you’re gonna need a bigger boat” green

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