Former New York Governor George Pataki threw his hat into the ring for the 2016 Presidential race this week. With the list of Republican hopefuls growing by the day, it’s getting harder and harder for prospective candidates to stand out from the pack. Fortunately, the ways to praise Pataki practically write themselves (which is good because that means you can’t blame me for writing this crap), as you’ll see when you read…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Proposed George Pataki Campaign Slogans:

10. Pataki. The “P” isn’t silent. And yes, this is literally the most interesting personal fact we could come up with

9. Upstate New York’s Finest. You know, Upstate New York? That part of New York no one ever thinks about except for the first 10 seconds after an I Love New York commercial?

8. A better choice than Joe Biden. If Biden was running. Which so far he isn’t

7. No truth to the rumor he waited until Letterman retired to announce his campaign to avoid the additional ridicule

6. No truth to the rumor that Letterman even remembers who he is

5. Yes, he’s another pasty rich white guy, but at least he’s not crazy religious too

4. Of course he was Governor of New York. For several years. Before the blind guy and the guy who slept with the hooker. Just look him up on Wikipedia already

3. Almost never says “How high?” anymore when Rudy Giuliani says “Jump!”

2. Shows up regularly on Fox News, and you know Fox News won’t put on just any old crank with money and a tie

1. All of Trump’s chances of winning with none of Trump’s baggage