Today marks the official opening day for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, the 7th episode in the Star Wars saga. After the poor reception the prequel trilogy received, fans around the world have been understandably nervous about what to expect this time around. Reviews and early word of mouth are positive, but the only way to really know if the movie is any good is to go see it. I’ll be seeing it later today, but before I go I got to thinking about all the ways this movie could go wrong. I’m not one of those fans whose life will be ruined by a bad Star Wars movie, but still, I’m hoping that when the trailers are over and the John Williams music kicks in, I don’t see any of…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Ways They Can Screw Up Star Wars: The Force Awakens:

10. New cantina scene takes twice as long as necessary because everyone at the bar is too busy taking selfies to advance the plot

9. Princess Leia takes another crack at that English accent from the first Star Wars movie

8. Han Solo shows up riding an old fashioned motorcycle while blasting a Beastie Boys song (oh, wait, sorry, that’s one of Tgreen’s Top Ten Ways They Can Screw Up Star Trek Beyond)

7. Cameo appearance by Jar-Jar Binks’ annoying grandson Jar-Jar Urkel

6. Corporate synergy requires new Stormtrooper outfits to include Mickey Mouse ears

5. In an effort to hook today’s texting-addicted kids, the opening crawl includes emojis

4. Product placement deal ends with Apple logo plastered on new Death Star

3. Reveal Luke Skywalker has been hiding out with the ghosts of Bea Arthur and Harvey Korman’s characters from the Star Wars Holiday Special

2. New bad guy turns out to be two Ewoks in a black suit

1. Subplot has newly-empowered Emperor Palpatrump initiating a ban on all Jedi coming to Tatooine “just until we can be sure about them”

Until next time, go out and see Star Wars and halfway through stand up and yell, “Where the hell is Lando?!?”, get the large popcorn for a quarter more, please silence your cell phone, don’t fall asleep in those comfortable reclining chairs and, as always, May the Happy Friday be with you.

T “Top Ten Lists would be way easier if they only had 5 or 6 items” green