Happy Friday!
Comments (0) Hello everybody and welcome to Happy Friday! And just how happy a Friday is it? Well, we’ve got a possible government shutdown looming at midnight, so if you’re like me and you enjoy a good political trainwreck, then it’s pretty damn happy. But what if you’re not like me? Besides being one lucky son of a bitch, where can you go to see your concerns vented? Well, just for today, I’ve got you covered too. Today while we wait out those bastards in DC, let’s take a look at both sides of the story in double Top Ten list form. Which brings us to…
Tgreen’s Top Ten Reasons To Look Forward To A Government Shutdown:
10. No more FCC means someone can finally show Kim Kardashian’s sex tape, which is literally the only reason she ever got famous in the first place
9. How can your payment to the IRS be late if there’s no one there to take in the mail?
8. No government = no chance of ever having to say “President Gingrich”
7. Finally a political story to bump Obama’s birth certificate down a notch in importance (Fox News viewers can safely ignore this one)
6. Jay Leno can go back to his 1995 joke vault, thereby updating his nightly material by at least a decade
5. Vegas will start giving odds on who can resolve things first, Democrats and Republicans or NFL owners and players
4. Chances of us finding a fourth Middle East war to get involved in drop by at least 10%
3. No government means there’s one less thing for Sarah Palin to offer her “expert analysis” about
2. At least now Barack Obama will have some free time to start replying to all those “Congratulations!” emails he got back in November, 2008
1. Finally John Boehner has something to cry about
And if you don’t agree with all that, maybe you’ll agree with this…
Tgreen’s Top Ten Reasons This Government Shutdown Is A Terrible Idea:
10. Dick Cheney might finally be able to launch his takeover attempt from his secret base on the moon
9. Lack of new government news might mean Fox and MSNBC will have to start airing reruns from the Clinton and Bush years
8. We no longer have Larry King to ease us through this troubled time
7. That unemployment extension check isn’t gonna mail itself, you know
6. All those poor members of Congress who made this happen are going to lose their paychecks and might end up out on the streets…oh, wait
5. Bill Clinton could try to swing by the White House to check up on the current crop of interns
4. Canada might realize this would be the perfect time to launch their secret invasion plan
3. Anti-government crackpots are suddenly gonna have a lot of free time on their hands until they figure out who they’re supposed to hate now
2. Little-known Constitutional loophole reverts control of USA back to England if government shuts down for two weeks, and that might interfere with the Royal Wedding plans
1. Barack Obama will have plenty of free time to Photoshop himself a birth certificate
So there you have it, the pros and cons of the government shutdown, all in convenient Top Ten form. Now go on and do something productive for the rest of the day. If you can pry yourself away from Farmville long enough, that is.
T “point/counterpoint” green
Themocracy