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By Tgreen, June 28, 2010 11:47 pm

Not sure if you’ve been following the news lately, but in Belgium this weekend authorities raided Church property as part of an investigation into sex abuse of minors by members of the clergy. The Pope, not surprisingly, called the raid “deplorable.” And why wouldn’t he? He said he was going to handle it, and these governments think they know best and proceed with their own investigations anyway. Doesn’t anyone understand that it takes time for the Pope to put together a decent investigation? I blame Hollywood. All their police procedurals on TV have people thinking any investigation can be banged out in an hour, less commercials, or maybe 2 hours during sweeps with a special guest appearance by David Caruso. The truth is, investigations take much longer, and Belgium should’ve just chilled out and let the Pope get to this investigation in his own time.

I mean, the man has to contend with a decades-long coverup perpetrated by one of the world’s largest and most powerful organizations. And worse yet, some parts of that coverup were run by exactly the kind of crafty genius who gets himself elected Pope. How would you like it if you spent the bulk of your career moving the criminals around and paying off the victims and hiding the evidence and denying there was a problem and then all of a sudden you’re in charge of the whole shebang and it’s your job to figure out what happened? How could you possibly know what happened? You just spent several decades making sure no one would know what happened, and you were very good at your job, so how can anyone expect you to just solve this one in a mere half decade in charge? It’s not like you even had a problem with the kid-rape for your whole time in office. You looked the other way like all your predecessors did for a couple of years, so anyone expecting you to have this all fixed already was just expecting a miracle, and we all know how often those come around.

So if you’re the Pope, there’s no doubt this weekend’s actions were deplorable. You’re out there spreading the word that it’s now bad to rape children and cover it up, while it’s entirely possible that in some of the far-flung corners of your empire, your minions haven’t gotten the message and are still raping kids and lying about it and moving the rapists along so they can do it all over again the next town over. Yeah, the Church is a big place. No doubt everyone hasn’t gotten the message yet and some of them are still living in the dark ages — the 1960s, a prime time for kid raping in the Church. But that was the old way, the 20th Century way, and we’re in the 21st Century now, a whole century after all this happened, and it can take a Pope a couple of years to make sure everyone has a copy of the new non-child-raping rule book. The Belgians couldn’t wait a little longer to let a Pope do his job? Deplorable.

So in these troubled times for the Pope, I have a tiny bit of advice. Next time you’re feeling down because the Belgians raid a Church or some liberal news outlet with nothing better to do rehashes the same old stories,you should just remember to…

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ

Disclaimer: The author feels this would be a good place to mention that he is not, in any way, shape or form, endorsing the rape of children. He’s not a good enough Catholic to do so.