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By Tgreen, July 24, 2009 12:07 am

Happy Friday for an unprecedented third week in a row. The last time there were three Happy Friday’s in a row, not only was Michael Jackson still alive, I think he was still black.

Well, whenever it was, I’m sure I was enough of an asshole to kick a guy when he’s down. Even when he’s down in his grave. Though I think I read somewhere that Michael isn’t actually in his grave yet, because his family can’t agree on where to bury him. It seems his brothers want him buried on the grounds of the Neverland ranch, while his mother wants him laid to rest in a cemetary. Meanwhile, his father, Joe Jackson, just wants him to quit goldbricking and go make some money for the family already.

This week the planet Jupiter sported a scar the approximate size of Earth after being crashed into by a comet. According to several astronomers, the comet’s blood alcohol level was .17, more than twice the legal limit. It was sentenced to 100 hours of community service and will have its license suspended for 90 days. Jupiter is expected to make a full recovery.

A new study shows that babies as young as 6 months old can detect basic emotions when listening to the sound of dogs barking or Beethoven’s music. Want to really confuse a baby? Teach your dog to bark Ode To Joy. Though you really shouldn’t have to go to that much trouble just to confuse a baby. They’re not that smart.

In political news, Times Square’s Naked Cowboy announced plans to run for mayor of NYC. Which is fine, as long as he’s not allowed to set the dress code for the debates.

In other political news, President Obama’s approval ratings slipped a bit this week. MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann has been placed under 24-hour suicide watch as a precaution.

Medical researchers announced this week that contact lenses that can deliver doses of drugs will soon be on the market. And in related news, singer Amy Winehouse just made her first eye doctor appointment in 6 years.

Scientists report that creativity may be linked to schizophrenia via a common gene. There’s still no word on what gene causes someone to write lame Top Ten lists every week, but it’s definitely not related to anything resembling creativity. Which must rule out schizophrenia as well. So it’s kind of a good news/bad news day for me.

In sports news, the NFL announced that it’s scheduling the first round of the 2010 draft for prime time on a Thursday night and spreading the event over three days. Ladies, that means you now have three days to go wherever you want and do whatever you want before the man in your life even notices you’re gone. Please send your thank you cards directly to the NFL offices in New York.

Wow, three days of the NFL draft. At least Detroit Lions fans can watch their team pick first on a Thursday this time, which will free up their weekend.

So, we’re about halfway through the summer right now, which means many of you are probably ready to take a little vacation. It’s a great time of year to kick back and relax, but you have to make sure you plan things just right, or otherwise you might find yourself dealing with…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Signs Your Vacation Is Going Badly:
10. Hotel swimming pool has a Baldwin brother who’s not Alec floating in it
9. Six Days On the Road is not just a song you heard on the radio, but also a description of how bad the traffic was
8. You spend the whole week unable to talk due to a toasted marshmallow incident
7. Hotel room TV only gets Fox News, Telemundo and a 24-hour Slap Chop infomercial
6. Spontaneous outdoor romantic encounter leaves you with a tick bite in a very uncomfortable place
5. Waste three days trying to figure out how to remove from Facebook several pictures that at the time seemed appropriate to post online
4. You learn the hard way that they put a sell-by date on hamburger meat for a reason
3. Your best friend gets alcohol poisoning before the wet t-shirt contest starts, and not after like he promised
2. You fall asleep while tanning and inadvertantly inspire a new degree of burn, which the doctors won’t even name after you
1. Your main source of summer reading comes not from the New York Times Top Ten, but from Tgreen’s Top Ten

And that’s all we have time for this week. Since I started my own vacation last night, there’s a chance that there won’t be a new Happy Fridau next week. Or, in other words, next week Happy Friday may return to its default position of off. So until next time, stay cool, stay hydrated and have a Happy Friday!

T “summertime blues” green