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By Tgreen, August 14, 2009 12:31 am

Hello and welcome to Happy Friday, the weekly blog post that’s just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit.

This week Bob Dylan announced that he’ll be releasing a Christmas album this holiday season. It’s possible that this will be Dylan’s first album of Christmas songs in his long career, but given the murky vocals on many of his recordings, no one can know for sure.

A recent survey claims that women who drink two glasses of wine a day have better sex lives than women who don’t drink anything. The same survey revealed that women who drink six glasses of wine a day are more likely to have their sex lives turn up on YouTube than women who don’t drink anything.

And as always, the survey said that women who drink two six-packs of Schlitz a day can’t even give it away.

The NYPD is investigating a police officer who told a subway passenger trying to report a man masturbating on the train that it was not a police matter. The officer instead told the passenger to call the city’s information hotline and either report the incident as performing in the subway system without a proper license if the man didn’t complete the act, or littering if he did.

This week Best Buy’s website accidentally listed a $1,799 52-inch flatscreen TV for $9.99. The error was discovered quickly, but not before thousands of people had placed orders. Best Buy said it will honor the price on the website, but only if buyers also purchase a 2-year extended warranty for $1790.

Which is actually only about 20 bucks more than those warranties usually go for, so it’s still not a bad deal at all.

According to a recent study, 70% of American’s think that women should take their husband’s name when they marry. Hanging strong in the other 30%? The future Mrs. Dixon Cox, the future Mrs. Buster Cherry and the future Mrs. Nescobar Aloplop.

Reports are leaking out this week that in an upcoming memoir, former Vice President Dick Cheney will express his disappointment with George W. Bush’s behavior over the last couple of years of his Presidency. This makes it unanimous now, right?

Scientists said this week that based on the results of a study of rats, 10 days of eating a high fat diet can lead to laziness and stupidity. And in a relattnkqelnnflqe….oh, screw it, these keys are sooooo heavy and I don’t remember what I was going 2 say anyway.

Secret White House memos revealed an $80 billion deal with the pharmaceutical lobby designed to move President Obama’s health care reform plan forward. The bad news? Drug prices will continue to be high no matter what kind of health care deal ultimately passes. The good news? Free Flintstones vitamins for every American citizen. But there won’t be any Dinos, because the President was traumatized as a child when he saw the episode where Dino spoke.

In sports news, the Philadelphia Eagles this week signed quarterback Michael Vick to a 2-year contract. Vick has missed the last 2 seasons because he was in jail for several charges related to dogfighting. Vick had originally hoped to be signed by the Cleveland Browns, but everyone involved thought that might be a little inappropriate.

Because their fans are called The Dawg Pound.

See what I did there?

Wal-Mart is taking some heat for releasing cookies that people say are a direct copy of a couple of popular Girl Scout cookies, Thin Mints and Tagalongs. A spokesperson for Wal-Mart said the cookies are not copies and are completely original creations, just like their Walritos Cool Ranch Tortilla Chips, their Wal Whip dessert topping, and the new Big Mart burger available for purchase at their new McMart’s fast food chain.

Former Presidential candidate John Edwards is expected to admit that the daughter born to his former mistress is in fact his child. He’s apparently been ready to admit this for awhile, but he’s just waiting for a really busy news day to do it on so that maybe it gets lost in the shuffle. He’s also considering doing it on his wife’s birthday. He hasn’t decided yet.

There have been reports this week that the Spider-Man musical has run out of money and will not, in fact, be premiering on Broadway next February as planned. This is actually good news, as it will allow the producers plenty of time to mount a production of something from…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Musicals Even Lamer Than A Spider-Man Musical:
10. TV Guide, The Musical
9. Imus!
8. Tiptoe Through The Tulips, The Tiny Tim Story
7. Twitterpalooza
6. My Fair Biz Markie
5. Jersey Boys II, Bon Jovi Boogaloo
4. Celebrity Rehab: Jeff Conaway v Gary Busey
3. Metallica Mia
2. MacGruber!
1. The Phantom of the Top Ten List

And that’s all we have time for this week. Until next time, put your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the remote, because Mad Men season 3 premieres this weekend.

T “green label” green