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By Tgreen, October 17, 2009 10:33 pm

Hello and welcome to Happy Friday, the weekly blog post that apparently couldn’t hit a Friday if you paid it.

This week it was announced that Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the victims of the only atomic bombings in history, are teaming up to try to bring the Olympics to Japan in 2020. In related news, I hear Pearl Harbor might also be making a bid. Awkward!

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger called out his wife, Maria Shriver, for apparently violating a state law he signed — holding her cell phone while driving. Her punishment? A marathon of Kindergarten Cop, The Last Action Hero, and Jingle All The Way.

Art experts believe they have identified a new Leonardo da Vinci in part by examining a fingerprint on the canvas. Said one expert, “Holy crap, this is like crossing CSI with a Dan Brown novel. Do you think Tom Hanks or David Caruso will play me in the movie?”

A London newspaper this week quoted Prince Philip as saying, “to work out how to operate a TV set you practically have to make love to the thing.” Which is probably an attractive option when you’ve been married to the Queen for so long.

Playboy magazine is turning over its cover to the matriarch of Springfield’s first family: Marge Simpson. Which almost – almost, mind you – almost justifies those things you used to do to yourself while watching Jessica Rabbit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Almost.

President Barack Obama pledged to end the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the military in a speech last Saturday. His new “On the Down Low” plan will replace the current “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” plan. Just keep it on the DL, yo.

The Dallas Police Department is investigating more than 2,000 family violence cases stored in the garage of one of its 35-year veterans. Surprisingly, only 85% of them involved Dallas Cowboys players of the late 90s.

General Motors announced this week it had finalized plans to sell control of its iconic Hummer brand to a Chinese heavy equipment maker. Which means the next time you order some Moo Goo Gai Pan for delivery, you’d better give a good tip or that delivery boy is gonna drive right through your front door.

After sinking to a 12-year low back in March, the Dow Jones industrial average closed above 10,000 Wednesday for the first time in a year, causing pharmacies in the Wall Street area to sell less Viagra than they have at any time since, well, March.

This week it was announced that Subway, riding high on the marketing message of healthy fast food, will overtake McDonald’s in American store locations by the end of 2009, with a total of more than 32,300 outlets. Rush Limbaugh immediately blamed President Obama for this tragic turn of events.

A review of past research finds that, by altering hormonal cycles, the pill might affect choice of mates among members of both genders. Ovulating women prefer typically “manly” men, while women who are not ovulating may prefer men with more feminine features, so by curtailing ovulation, the pill may be helping current male American Idol contestants breed the next generation of male American Idol contestants.

While on the other side of the equation, men still prefer to hook up with anyone who will take them, so actually, the pill hasn’t really changed anything there.

As you remember, last week there was a huge uproar when President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize well before anybody thought he was qualified for such an honor. If people were mad about that, I can’t imagine what they’re going to think when they get a load of…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Other Awards President Obama Has Won:
10. First Place, Miss America Pageant
9. Super Bowl XLIV Champion
8. Lady Byng Memorial Trophy
7. Best In Show, AKC National Championship
6. Blue Ribbon, 2009 Pinewood Derby
5. First Place, The Next Iron Chef
4. Winner, Big Brother 11
3. Pillsbury Bake-Off Gold Ribbon
2. Cover Model, 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
1. “Most Improved Penmanship”, Sister Elizabeth’s Third Grade Class

And that’s all we have time for this week. Until next time, enjoy the cupcakes and have a Happy Friday!

T “gigglefest” green