Hello and welcome to Happy Friday, the weekly blog post that’s wondering, when you’re not sick enough to have Swine Flu, is there such a thing as Swine Head Cold?

Police in Philadelphia say a white officer who came to work with cornrows was ordered by a black superior to get a haircut because the braids violated department standards. And also, because the last white person who could pull off cornrows was Bo Derek 30 years ago.

Senior regulators say they are seriously considering a plan to have the nation’s healthy banks lend billions of dollars to rescue the insurance fund that protects bank depositors. I don’t know, but that sounds to me like if Allstate came by one night and hit you up for a loan because it had to help out the guy across the street who got rear-ended.

But on the bright side, unemployment’s so high these days that it’s not like anyone has any money in the bank anymore anyway, so who’s gonna get hurt when the next one fails?

The Uganda Wildlife Authority launched a program on Saturday to let people use social networking sites like Facebook or Twitter to follow one of the gorillas in Bwindi Impenetrable National Park. Hopefully this will go better than that time you hooked up with the lingerie model online, only to find out she was actually some 43-year-old guy who lived in his mom’s basement.

It was reported this week that national Democratic Party leaders have asked New York State Governor David Paterson to consider withdrawing from the 2010 governor’s race. When asked to comment, Paterson said he couldn’t see any reason he should drop out now.

A postal worker at a mail processing and distribution center in Springfield, Massachusetts who stole more than 3,000 DVDs mailed by Netflix to its customers pleaded guilty yesterday to federal theft charges. In his defense, however, is the fact that more than half of those movies were copies of Mike Myers’ The Love Guru, so you could say he was protecting people from themselves.

This week it was announced that three different space probes have found the chemical signature of water all over the moon’s surface, surprising the scientists who at first doubted the unexpected measurement. So yeah, that’s cool and all, but call me when they find traces of hops and barley up there.

In sports news, the Detroit Lions failed to sell all their tickets for Sunday’s game against the Washington Redskins, meaning there was a TV blackout in some local markets. Which makes you wonder why the rest of us had to watch this game if Detroit got off the hook like that.

Actor Randy Quaid and his wife were arrested in west Texas for skipping out on a $10,000 hotel bill in California. I thought for sure if they ever got Randy Quaid, it would be for that direct-to-DVD Vacation sequel he did a few years back.

And really, does it even count as a celebrity arrest if there’s no slow speed car chase?

A large spider appeared on the Pope’s white robes as he addressed politicians and diplomats in Prague on Saturday afternoon, and it reportedly lingered long enough to bite him. Which might explain why the Pope never seems to be around when Spider-Man is fighting Doc Ock.

In a video posted recently to YouTube, former child star Kirk Cameron lays out a plan to subvert the 150th anniversary of the publishing of Charles Darwin’s Origin of Species by delivering 50,000 copies of an altered version of Darwin’s book to students at dozens of U.S. universities. The altered version is significantly shorter and basically contains the sentence, “Jesus did it,” and an autographed head shot of Kirk Cameron.

Me, I’m waiting for Alan Thicke to weigh in on string theory.

This week was a big one for President Obama. First he appeared on the Sunday talk shows for most of the networks, then he gave a speech before the UN General Assembly, and then he turned up on The Late Show With David Letterman. A pretty busy week, huh? You don’t know the half of it, but you will once you check out…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Lesser-Known Obama Appearances This Week:
10. Guest ref for Foxy Boxing down at a strip club in Newark
9. Backstage at Oprah to give Mackenzie Phillips a pep talk
8. After-hours party in Khadaffi’s tent
7. Special appearance as new tenant on Melrose Place remake
6. Heckling Kanye at a charity concert
5. Throwing eggs at Glenn Beck’s front door
4. Eating Whoppers with Tony Stewart in new NASCAR Burger King commercial
3. Winning third place at Beatles Rock Band contest in Hillside Mall
2. Just hanging at a kegger in Pittsburgh
1. Headlining Top Ten list with actual jokes on Letterman’s show

And that’s all we have time for this week. Come on back next time to find out if that kid from Who’s The Boss? has an opinion on evolution.

T”3rd & goal” green

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