Hello and welcome to Happy Tuesday, the blog post that follows Happy Monday like the punchline follows the setup. Though I realize by using such technical comedy terms, I may be setting the bar way too high for today’s festivities. There’s only one way to find out…

This week the NFL announced that it’s almost a certainty that the NFL season will be expanding to 18 weeks. And in related news, this week your coworkers announced that it’s almost a certainty that the last thing they need is 2 more weeks of you running your mouth about your damn Fantasy Football team.

The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announced it’s newest slate of nominees this week. Included on the list is rock group Bon Jovi, prompting the Devil to fire off an email to lead singer Jon Bon Jovi that simply said, “You’re welcome.”

Also on the list for the first time is Neil Diamond. It took him this long to make the list? You can’t be eligible until you’ve been around for at least 25 years, and Neil Diamond’s been around way longer than that. Were they waiting to honor him for The Jazz Singer? Or maybe this…

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOVc4TMjHpk

This week The Hollywood Reporter, er, reported that the Star Wars saga might hit theaters in 3D starting in 2012. The series will start, of course, with The Phantom Menace, and the only concern in being able to get things started on time is that no one’s sure if there’s enough computer power on the planet to add the 2 dimensions needed to bump The Phantom Menace up to 3.

A new study shows that out of 33 industrialized nations, the United States has the highest rate of obesity. And the tastiest deserts. In your face, rest of the industrialized world!

In entertainment news, Lindsey Lohan is back in rehab, though rehab says it really just wants to be friends this time around and doesn’t plan on taking the relationship any further in order to avoid the inevitable heartbreak.

A German company plans to bring gold-dispensing ATMs to the United States. The machines will accept credit cards, and can dispense 1 gram, 5 gram, 10 gram and 1 ounce units, as well as gold coins. The machines are surprisingly easy to use, but I can assure you if you’re reading this site, you’ll never be able to afford to find out for yourself.

Police in Texas found incriminating text messages sent from a bank teller to the person who robbed his bank right before the robbery occurred. I’d tell you more, but I wouldn’t want to spoil the Law & Order: Criminal Intent episode no doubt ripping this story from the headlines as I type.

The Emergency Bra, an undergarment that can be quickly converted into a pair of protective face masks, one for the wearer and one for some needy bystander in the event of an emergency, was made available this week. The bra’s inventor is hoping this one sells better than her last safety device, the Emergency Jockstrap.

A new study shows that bans on texting while driving don’t actually prevent accidents. The silver lining? Texting while driving is an effective way to help clear some dead wood from the gene pool. You’ve just gotta think long term on this one, people.

This week orders for the new AppleTV began shipping to customers around the world. For 99 bucks, the AppleTV lets you stream media from your computer to your TV, and also let’s you rent movies and TV shows right from the box. But there are people out there who aren’t satisfied with this. They want more bang for their buck, and won’t buy an AppleTV until they get it. Which brings us to…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Features The AppleTV Needs To Make Everyone Happy:
10. Popcorn popper attachment
9. All episodes of BJ and the Bear available for immediate rental (sorry, that’s one of Tgreen’s Top Ten Features The AppleTV Needs To Make Tgreen Happy)
8. Side order of bacon
7. Button to drop tap-dancing midget into every movie when things slow down
6. Letter from Steve Jobs inviting you to drop by for scones the next time you’re in his neighborhood
5. Creamy caramel center
4. Ability to never download a movie that’s in color, features rock music, or expresses a positive opinion on any event that happened after 1954
3. Express checkout for all Katherine Heigl movies
2. Detailed reviews explaining when, to what degree, and the duration of any nudity might occur in the movie you plan to rent
1. Discount rate on any movie or show that features a cast member from According to Jim

And that’s all we have time for today. Tune in tomorrow for Happy Wednesday, which will look a lot like what you saw today, but with more references to “Hump Day”.

T “this seemed like a good idea at the time” green

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