Hello and welcome to Happy Wednesday, the blog post that would consider wishing you a Happy Hump Day, but it isn’t sure if it likes you in that way.

This week New York City’s Mayor Bloomberg had removed from the classroom a teacher who previously worked as a hooker. This makes no sense in these difficult economic times. You have someone who could teach Economics and Sex Ed and you want to fire her?

Jersey Shore cast member Snooki announced this week that she’ll be writing a book to be released in 2011. Which means she’ll have written one more book than she’s read, and that seems wrong.

In Canadian news, CBC announced that it will be broadcasting a hockey game in 3D this season. And if they had television in Canada, this would be a very big deal.

California’s first execution attempt in 5 years had to be cancelled due to a shortage of lethal injection drugs. Which makes you wonder, if they haven’t even tried to execute anyone in 5 years, how did they manage to run out of lethal injection drugs?

Actor Tony Danza is teaching English in a Philadelphia high school as part of a new reality show. I’d suggest that instead of English they at least have Danza teach a subject he actually passed in high school, but I think I already see what direction that takes us in.

My only guess is he’s teaching English the way he uses it — as a second language.

So, Tony Danza’s teaching and Snooki’s writing. This is what happens when an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters kill themselves in protest over what’s happening to out language.

In testimony offered by seven former U.S. Air Force pilots this week, it was revealed that they had seen UFOs descend on nuclear missile locations and interfere with the operation of these missiles. The pilots said they believe this means the aliens are trying to tell us to get rid of all nuclear weapons. This could be the correct interpretation, of course, but isn’t it also possible that the aliens were enticed here by this…

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOVc4TMjHpk

In an interview in the latest Rolling Stone, President Obama suggests that Democrats need to “buck up,” something that would probably be a lot easier if the previous 10 years had left anyone with a buck to do something with.

On October 3rd, Germany will make its final reparations payment for World War I, which means maybe you shouldn’t give up on getting that 20 bucks back from your deadbeat college roommate just yet.

The IRS said this week it will no longer be mailing out tax forms. It’s about time they took the hint. I wasn’t sending them back, so there was no reason to keep sending them to me except to make me feel bad.

In case you haven’t heard, New York City is slowly but surely being taken over by bedbugs. Besides being creepy and disgusting, these bugs are annoyingly hard to get rid of. You all remember the old saying, “Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite,” but are you aware of the other ways besides biting that bedbugs can annoy you? If not, you will after you read…

Tgreen’s Top Ten Other Ways Bedbugs Are Annoying:
10. Cut the line at the bus stop
9. Take the last jelly donut and leave you with the one with the coconut flakes on it
8. Constantly spoil the cliffhanger ending to last week’s Gossip Girl
7. Chew their Grape Nuts with their mouths open
6. Tell your girlfriend about that woman who was flirting with you at the office
5. Root for the Philadelphia Eagles
4. Mock you for your naive provincialism while enjoying a Jerry Lewis movie (oh, sorry, that’s one of Tgreen’s Top Ten Other Ways The French Are Annoying)
3. ignore your numerous friend requests on Facebook
2. Won’t share their cheese fries at lunch
1. Insist on using the theme song from Small Wonder as their ring tone

And that’s all the time we have for this time. Join us tomorrow for Happy Thursday, which I was going to call “Must See Happy Thursday” except for threatened lawsuit from NNC and the potential violation of the Truth in Advertising laws.

T “breakfast bowl” green